so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
