i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
this hospital has no fireball
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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