she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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