Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
