I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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