I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
