I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
