My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
