i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
