I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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