JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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