im drinking this country out of the recession.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
