I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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