bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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