I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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