I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
