k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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