i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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