She's JV to your varsity
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
