I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
