If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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