Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
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Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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