Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
