You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
