??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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