Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
