Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
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googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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