This girl is more easily done than said...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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