I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
