I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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