Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
