Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
