I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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