Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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