An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
