went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
