please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
