I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
