make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
