matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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