My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
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I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
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Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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