I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
