If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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