You work out of a Hotel?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I believe in your delicious
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
