but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
