i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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