So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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