you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
