someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wish i was in the wii world.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
