Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
