so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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