bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
