I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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