I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
