my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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