My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
