did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize