I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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