I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
