Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize