the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
