It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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